Up Grad Pic 

All at Once

It's my birthday. (Sigh) it had been one of the saddest day of my life. ' first birthday since Simon and I broke up. I thought I have moved on. Today tho, i realized I am still hurting.

I miss how he used to greet me. How he sent me flowers. I was hoping as his friend, at least he would greet me today. I am not hurting coz of romance or love. I just feel hurt that it seemed that I did not matter at all in his life. That he easilly just forgot about me. All at once.

He always say I am his bestfriend. But after the break up, he never showed that he care. He never greeted me during special occasions.

I called him up, crazy huh. I wanted to actually make him guilty. But her girlfriend answered. Right there and then, i understood. I should really let go. I can't expect anything anymore. Not even friendship. I should wake up. I should realize I am no longer important to him.

I should move on. But how do you move on? How do you stop the pain? I am sick and tired of feeligh hurt. What have I done to deserve this. All i did was love.

I am hurting. God knows how much. Please Lord, stop the pain. Let me compose myself again. I am tired of crying Lord. Please.

Getting Ready for Malaysia

At last, Michelle is finished with her assigned report, and Pia had her comprehensive exam already yesterday. We can now all focus on our trip to Malaysia, yipeee:) I need this break so much. Thinking about it diverted my attention from 'emotional stress':)

The trip will be on the 22nd of September. I gotta start packing my things. I don't wanna have the same panicky feeling when I was leaving for Aussie last Februray of this year. I was too damn busy from work then, that I finished packing my things on the day that I was about to go.

Fairytales and Brokenheart

Today, I have had the courage to bring my life to the open. This is the day my blog was born.

The past months have been difficult for me. I think I could consider it as a turning point, and a painful one, at that.

For two years, I felt like a Princess, with her Prince Charming at her side. I was so sure it was gonna have a happy ending, the realization of most girls' dream.

Then came the play of fate. He fell out of love. I stayed on. Suddenly, I felt my whole world crumbled. I started to doubt if there really is a happy ending; that fairytales don't exist.

I fought hard. Funny, 'coz I never thought I am capable of caring that much. I thought I was being selfless when i was loving too much, and holding on, even when I know he lost it already.

Now, I know I was being selfish, actually. 'coz I wanted him for myself. I wanted to complete my dream..my story. I was forcing him to be my Prince, when in fact, he no longer was.

I guess the most selfless thing to do is the hardest act that a person in love can ever do: letting go. So many nights were spent with tears on my bed. The pain seared through me, slicing through my being, breaking my composure, and worst...straining my self-esteem. Rejection is never easy to accept.

During these moments, I felt I have talked to God in a way I never did before. It was like He was the only one who could understand me. Who saw through me. And for the first time...I understood fully the meaning of TRUSTING GOD. When I was so lost and so uncertain and scared about what lies ahead for me when the happiness that I had thought to be mine was taken from me..and still i chose to believe, no matter how painful, that these things happened because God has plans for me...I knew I have just strengthened my faith in Him. For that, I am thankful.

In a way, this painful experience led me to realize that I have neglected myself too in the proces of being too engrossed with the relationship. I forgot there are other things that matter, other than love and romance. Like good friends and loving family. So just because I lost a person's love, does not mean I lost my life already. I still have a lot of people who care for me, and for whom I should be strong. They stayed with me, and empowered my frail will to move on

Now, I see life a bit differently than before. I still believe in fairytales..in happy endings...but i know better now. I now understand that it so happened that the lost love of my life was not my story..I just played a part on someone else's. I should be patient..stay faithful...for there will come a time..when I will get to have my own. When that happens, I'm gonna be the Princess in my man's eyes. He's gonna accept me for who I am, and stay with me in my weakest moments. I will be the answer to His prayers, the air that he breathes. His love is gonna be mine...alone...forever. In God's time, it will come.

Of course, I have no regrets. The bliss that I had during the relationship with Simon is something that I will be treasuring forever. It has been an important part of my life. It has taught me a lot, and it's worth being remembered.

Simon will always be a dear friend, although as of now, it will be better if I keep my self a bit distant, so I could move on. I wish him true happiness, as I pray for my own too. I am happier now, for I have learned to let go. At least, I am at peace with myself. And I could not ask for more...at least at the moment, hehe:)