Killing me softly...the wait for visa syndrome

It's 2 am. I can't get myself to fall asleep. I'm so scared..I feel so down.. Any day this month, the visa application result will be out. I've been down since the other night.

I went to Quiapo church today, walked through the aisle to the altar down on my knees. I was crying when I reached the altar. I thought of everything: the pain getting rejected by and losing the only person I have ever loved..lost friends..underachievements....sad experiences in the office...being fat..not passing the UP COllege of Law exam..not being admitted in the ASEAN Fellowship I applied for goign to Singapore 7 years ago...the prom that I never experiened coz i didn't go because nobody asked me to..my debts that i incurred for flying over to be with the man I loved and to talk to him on the phone when he got upset coz of his girl.....I'm so scared. I've never been so scared in my whole life. I'd like to start anew, to start composing myself. I wanna better..and this visa is the only hope that I got.

The priest said those people who went to Qiuapo church that day are blessed coz their wishes will come true. Icried so hard.. I was at the altar then..

At this point in my life, I did everything possible I could. I fought for this dream of mine..I am still paying the loans I applied for to support my visa application. Lord, I have went through so much pain, and I accept them. I offer them to you, for they were nothing compared to yours...
But please, I beg you, please LOrd, I knock, I seek, I ask that please grant me my visa...please Lord...through the intercession of Mary, thy most holy Mother.

I wanne be better..I wanna feel better..I wanna live better..This is my only chance Lord...Please po?